Sunday, May 8, 2011

Maybe tomorrow

Maybe tomorrow Keegan will get to go home.  We are still having some strange issues and continued bleeding from his port but not nearly as bad as before.  We have polled everyone from surgery to oncology looking for ideas as to what could possibly be happening with this.  No one seems to know for sure.  We are going to try a smaller needle tomorrow, but as long as his blood counts are stable tomorrow, I think we will be discharged.

The longer we watch his line, it seems fairly obvious that there is some kind of pressure anomaly.  There is an immense amount of back pressure in the line that shouldn't normally occur with a port.  The line goes directly to his heart, which leads us (as parents, not cardiac specialists) to think there may be a pressure issue with his heart.  His echo on Friday looked stable from his other most recent echos, although echos aren't always the best way to measure ventricular pressures.  Tomorrow, we are going to run some ideas past his transplant team to see what they may think about it.  Not sure what it would mean or if any of it pans out logically, but we will see.

We were told last week that the results from the electron microscope and the final biopsy reports from Keegan's scopes should be back by tomorrow too.  That would be so convenient to discuss it while we are here....which means it surely won't be ready.  A girl can hope though.

It wasn't the Mother's Day I would have preferred.  Today was also my amazing mom's birthday, which we weren't able to celebrate as we had hoped either.  But Keegan is stable and that is a good enough present for both of us, I think.  My parents and sister were able to bring Miss A up for a quick visit.  Having both my kiddos to hold again was the best part of my day.

Audrey with Keegan's picture on the wall of the cardiac inpatient floor

Being inpatient on Mother's Day certainly puts a different perspective on the meaning of this day.  The halls of this hospital are filled with women who are living the best and worst parts of being a mother to their children.  I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I was meant to be Keegan's mother, and I know beyond all reasoning that his journey and trials are part of a bigger plan God has for us.  Keegan makes me want to be a better person, not just a better mother.  He has shown me the most difficult parts of being a mother, and Audrey has rounded out my rougher corners, reminding me that it's not always going to be like this.  I have had to hand my son over to surgeons too many times.  I have sat helplessly at his side and begged the Lord to let me take his place.  But I have laughed harder than I ever thought possible.  I have been overcome with joy through tears beyond my expectations, and I have become stronger than I ever would have been without one very small little boy in my life.  

Today may have been Mother's Day, but I think it better to thank my children today.  I am only a mother because of their births, but I am a mom and a better person because of their lives.  Keegan and Audrey, I love you to the moon...and back.


2 comments:

Ashley & Chuck said...

Happy Mother's Day! You are a wonderful Mom to your children and a great example for the rest of us to follow!

Susy said...

This is a day late, but Happy Mother's Day to one of the best moms I "know". You are a constant example of motherly strength and love.
The picture of Audrey looking at Keegan's picture brought me to tears...it just breaks my heart. Of course, you are all in my prayers.