Thursday, March 10, 2011

Inpatient again

Keegan was admitted at Children's again this morning.  The night before last, he once again stopped urinating and had some nausea and vomitting.  We drew labs at the Center for Cancer and Blood Disorders and came home.  Things progressively got worse overnight, in an eerily similar way to the first night of kidney failure in the fall.  This morning, we brought him into the ER at Children's Legacy.  We knew he would need fluids at a minimum and were anxious to see if his kidney function was worsening.  It was, just a bit, but not drastically, as it had before.  It was still unclear (and still is for that matter) if this is some kind of infection or the beginnings of something bigger.  He spiked a fever while we were waiting in the ER that has not yet broken. The fever in, and of itself, would have necessitated an ER visit and possible admission, since he has a central IV line.  Luckily, our team agreed that he could be admitted here at the Legacy campus, which is literally right across the street from our house.  We miss our team downtown dearly, but the convenience of being this close to home is comforting.   

Keegan's heartrate and respiratory rate are much higher than we would like to see, while his blood pressure and oxygen saturations are lower than we'd like.  He finally peed a little bit, although it is not consistent and nowhere near what he should be producing.  None of the cultures have grown back anything yet, but he is stable.  We are certainly praying for a better night than last night and that this admission is short.

I hate sitting here.  I hate that we do so much to try to "protect" Keegan.  We have taken away just about everything, and yet here he is, once again.  I hate that we still don't have an answer to so many of the things going on in his little body.  I hate that he has endured so much intense pain in his short life.  I hate that he has to be poked and prodded, under the guise of trying to make him feel better.

But I hate, more than anything, that he could fight this fight day in and day out and still lose the battle.  This morning, yet another of our precious transplant friends found his perfect healing.  John Christopher was 21 years old.  He fought tirelessly his entire life and had been waiting to be clear of rejection and relisted for transplant.  This morning, his body had endured enough of the fight.  My heart breaks for him, his amazing parents and family, and our entire transplant family.  Each one of these blessed warriors becomes part of our family, one of our own, and it cuts to the core...every...single...time.  And unfortunately, it reminds us that every day, in every single breath, it could be us.  It could be Keegan.

So, there will never be "just a bug" or "just a fever".  Every thing could be the one thing we dread most of all.  And we will never stop fighting for him.  We will never stop being vigiliant.  And we will pray fervently for his health and protection and for that of every one of our transplant kids.  But tonight, we grieve for JC and his family.  We pray for their comfort and peace, and we really hope you will join us.

4 comments:

Becky Cudlipp said...

Maddie,

I will be praying for you tonight that this is a bug that passes quickly, and you will all be home soon. I can't imagine the physical and emotional struggles that you go through everyday. But as a Mom, I know, you do anything you have to for your child. And you are doing "it" everyday.

Becky

Cody said...

Maddie - our prayers for healing & comfort are with you, your family & JC's

Anonymous said...

Prayers for comfort for all those who knew JC. Will be praying for Keegan and your family. Prayers for healing, a short hospital stay and for the doctors to know exactly what what is needed to be done.

Cody said...

Following Twitter ... thank you for the picture & updates. Bug looks so sweet ...