Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Hollow

There haven't been too many times in my life that I've been at a loss for words...maybe the moment Keegan was born or after hearing he could not survive a matter of days or maybe a week without a new heart.

Tonight, I once again find myself at a loss for words.  Not because I can't express them but more because I can't feel them.  I feel terribly hollow.  I'm empty.  The tears are gone, but I'm not sure what to feel anymore. 

Last Saturday, Father Deeves completed his journey here with us.  Monday was the one-year anniversary of our dear Hannah going home.  Yesterday, my grandfather suffered a heart attack that required surgery this afternoon.  And early this morning, another transplant friend, Austin, passed away.  He was 13 years old, one year post-transplant.  Like so many before him, he has found his perfect healing.  No more meds, no more procedures, no more pokes, no more pain...

The hurt is fresh and raw.  I know it will subside, but only because HE will make it so...if I let Him.  So I'll linger in Keegan's room a little longer tonight.  I'll kiss his head a few more times.  Tell him and Audrey and my grandfather how they can't possibly know how much I love them.  I'll thank Kevin & LaMonica in my prayers a million more times for every single day they've given me with Keegan.  And I'll walk through the valley.  Even if it feels hollow tonight.  Even if it means just one more day...

1 comment:

C's Mommy said...

oh, honey, we said lots of prayers tonight for all your hurt. I hate hearing your sadness. I am here if you need a shoulder.
love you...