Sunday, October 31, 2010

He's MY Son

Every time I have to attend the funeral of another beautiful child from our transplant family, I not only grieve for the family and their loss, but I grieve for Keegan.  A small part of me wishes and hopes that in some way it will help me better prepared for that day...but I know nothing can.  I can't deny it.  That would be foolish, and as one of our amazing transplant cardiologists said today, it's our reality.  Hiding from it won't make it go away or any easier either.  In a single breath, I am crippled by fear and yet energized to cherish every single moment.  We have no idea how many days Keegan has been blessed with, and we can't waste a single one...whether it's just a few or decades.

Austin's celebration was beautiful, attended by so many who loved him.  It was humbling.  What an amazing child.  His parents and brother each picked a song that symbolized Austin's life to them.  His brother, Tyler, picked "I Will Rise" by Chris Tomlin, which is a song that I have always felt a strong connection to for Keegan.  But Paula, his mother, picked this song - "He's My Son" by Mark Shultz.  I'd never heard it before, and I will never forget it.  It's everything I feel and everything I could possibly want to say in a single song.  Paula whispered to me today, "don't let go of your Bug." I won't...I can't...he's my son.
I'm down on my knees again tonight,
I'm hoping this prayer will turn out right.
See, there is a boy that needs Your help.
I've done all that I can do myself
His mother is tired,
I'm sure You can understand.

Each night as he sleeps
She goes in to hold his hand,
And she tries not to cry
As the tears fill her eyes.

Can You hear me?
Am I getting through tonight?
Can You see him?
Can You make him feel all right?
If You can hear me
Let me take his place some how.
See, he's not just anyone, he's my son.

Sometimes late at night I watch him sleep,
I dream of the boy he'd like to be.
I try to be strong and see him through,
But God, who he needs right now is You.
Let him grow old,
Live life without this fear.

What would I be,
Living without him here?
He's so tired,
And he's scared
Let him know that You're there.

Can You hear me?
Am I getting through tonight?
Can You see him?
Can You make him feel all right?
If You can hear me
Let me take his place some how.
See, he's not just anyone, he's my son.
Can You hear me?
Am I getting through tonight?

Can You see him?
Can You make him feel all right?
If You can hear me
Let me take his place somehow.
See, he's not just anyone.
Can You hear me?
Can You see him?
Please don't leave him,
He's my son.

-Mark Shultz


2 comments:

Stephanie said...

Maddie,
What an absolutely beautiful celebration of such a sweet little boy! Thanks for sharing!!

Stacie said...

I heard this song shortly after Gavin was diagnosed with cancer. I too relate to each and every word. So glad you found it as well. It's amazing how songs can speak so strongly to our hearts, isn't it?

Praying for you today.

Much love,
Stacie