Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Cardiology Clinic

Keegan had a good, although long, day at cardiac transplant clinic yesterday. The only thing slightly off was his bloodwork, but when is it not? All in all, we decided not to change anything at this point. Dr. Barnes, his transplant doctor, did not want to "rock the boat" this close to Christmas. We are so thankful for that! There are one or two meds we may change/add in the New Year, but other than that, Keegan got a really good report. He had his last H1N1 shot and breathing treatment too. We were happy to get a green light for Keegan to celebrate Christmas at home this year!

Keegan also was a bearer of his annual bags of homemade Christmas peppermint chocolate to the hospital yesterday, and with it, he bore some news for his transplant team. After being questioned and hinted at since pretty much the day after he was transplanted (yes, I'm rolling my eyes at you Kris, Lisa, Susan, and Stephanie!), Keegan was finally able to tell his team that he will be a BIG BROTHER next year. Yes, you read that right! We're expecting a new addition to our little version of "normal" next June. Although not planned and certainly not prepared for, we are trusting the Lord's plan and timing is better than ours. We are certainly grateful for this unexpected gift, and we know that Keegan will be an outstanding big brother. Still, we can't lie and say that we're not scared for what our future holds. The baby and I will be closely followed by our dear perinatologist and our cardiology team at Children's. We'll get a preliminary look at the heart on January 4 and begin fetal echocardiograms in February. Big Daddy (my dad) said that he believes this is God's way of telling us Keegan will be ok, and I certainly pray that he's right. There will be a lot more bumps in our road than other families - birthdays and holidays missed for hospitalizations, explaining why our family can't do all the things others can, etc. We don't even know how to care for a normal baby! However, I am thankful for our amazing transplant team that understands our fears and are always there for us through it all. They truly are more than Keegan's doctors; they're our friends, supporters, and a source of strength. We are always thankful for our amazing family and friends, who we know will lift us up emotionally, spiritually, and even physically through good times and bad. That is truly a blessing learned through Keegan.

Since Keegan was born, I have to admit that the Christmas season leaves me thinking more about Mary and Joseph than ever before. Lately, I've been quoting the adage "I know God won't give me anything I can't handle, but I wish He didn't trust me so much!" I can't help but think that Mary or Joseph must have coined that very phrase!! Can you imagine the anxiety Mary must have had as an unwed mother, accused of breaking the vows of her betrothal? Can you imagine how she might have agonized over the fate of her son? I think I have a little bit better understanding now, not only just as a parent but as the mother of a child with an uncertain future. What about Joseph? Did he worry how he would provide for this new family? Did he lose sleep about whether he would be able to protect his son, keep him from pain, or simply how long he would be blessed to have him to hold? I hope he and Mary worried about these things...it would reassure me that I'm not alone. But I know their faith was stronger than mine. I pray that I can learn to ask less questions of God and trust more, to place my faith in God's plan, to respond as Mary - "I am the servant of the Lord...may it be to me as you have said." (Luke 1:38)

The following is quite possibly my favorite Christmas song ever. I just get it. The love, the fear, the uncertainty, the neverending desire to have it all just be ok. If you'd like to listen to this beautiful song, click HERE. I am so thankful to be spending this Christmas at home with Keegan, and I am even more thankful to have each of you in our lives who helped us get home and stay here. Thank you from the bottom of our hearts. We wish you all a very Merry Christmas!

Go to sleep my son; this manger for your bed.

You have a long road before you; rest your little head.

Can you feel the weight of your glory? Do you understand the price?

Does the Father guard your heart for now so you can sleep tonight?

Go to sleep my son; go and chase your dreams.

The world can wait for one more moment; go and sleep in peace.

I believe the glory of heaven is lying in my arms tonight.

Lord, I ask that He for just this moment simply be my child.

Go to sleep my son. Baby, close your eyes.

Soon enough, you'll save the day, but for now, dear child of mine,

Oh my Jesus, sleep tight.

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